i thought the worlds gonna burst on 21 th december 2012. i was happy somehow really. dont think i am the most unfortunate man in this world writing a suicide note to god. i am really messed up, more precisely fucked up in a long process. a process which starts with a little wish, then became my interest, then my craziness and then my obsession. i wished for a good good world with a green view from my window. i got my interest in shaping those windows from where the world is clean and green. i became crazy gradually imagining this. again and again after my hopeless failure, i am now obsessed and isolated, as usual in my dark and hollow room where there are windows which remains closed always, coz the outside is not good neither green as i wished for.
i am fucked up by the poor and pathetic social dramas around me. friends came up with a betrayal and strangers behaves like the good samaritan. lovers do sex, more then love. kids dont want to go outside and play. they have a dream to be there on tv and keep on barking " i am a complan boy, i am a complan girl". teens r i p in facebook ( thnx to my late night realization, i am no more a maniac of this bullshit ). couples or married people are bored of having the same routine. and the rest old people ( whom i admire and care for the most among them ) are either mentally disturbed or in casual coma.
i am fucked up with my grammatical errors in english. its the main official language. someday it will be the national language i bet. now dont blame only the south indians, atleast they have good reason for hating hindi as the national language. do the preachers of english have any idea that in the whole europe except england, people dont give a shit about english. i still remember how we manage the ticket guy to make him understand that we want a both up and down ticket from brussels to amsterdam. when coca cola launched in china for the first time, the chinese government and the company goes up with an agreement that each and everything in the bottle would be written in chinese only. i am not hiding my grammatical ignorance by saying all this, i am just revising some facts which might hurt a lot of people who are anxious for the existence of their mother tongue or national language. i dont have any problem with english, i love english movies and songs more then my own language but what i am saying is, dont make it overrated. dont forget your own soil.
i am fucked up standing in lines. we belonged from a refugee camp or what? starting from the bus stoppage in banks,in restaurants,in govt office,in retail counters, in every god damn business you need to stand on the line. present population of my country is 1.22 billion. so i better zip up my mouth on this topic.
i am fucked up with the most common messenger of my country. one is newspaper and the other is news channels. they both became entertainment centric. i dont want to include specifically but from renowned newspapers from positively claimed news channels , they are just running behind the money, more then the news i guess. from last couple of years i have been noticing some best newspapers around the country is publishing advertisement in the whole front page in every day basis. just imagine,with a lousy eyes in the morning when you just got up from sleep and take the newspaper for some news, you see the whole front page is an advertisement only. this is real bullshit. and the feeling is piteous. i still remember in my younger days how we were fond of dordarshan news. that is not only because there were no other tv channels,bt because those news were really some information about my country or the world,not like todays miserable drama on silly topics.
i am fucked up with the taste and power of weed. they dont sell the real stuffs. but as thats very much unsocial , i am not going to describe my elements of lonely hallucination.
i am fucked up because of the woeful inventions of bolywood,tolywood, lolywood and so on. india is a country where people are driven by pure emotions. in past, movies were not only an element of enjoyment and pastime, but a message to the society, a full framed knowledge instrument, a clear glance on ideal life and off course filled with good moral. now a days,an item song is mandatory in every movie. sometimes i dont even understand why the hell directors use the most common subject of a joke of our generation again and again in films to create some nonsense funny scenes with a word called "gay". no one dare to make a movie on geeta,on the devine sayings of krishna about the whole circle of life. will anyone,someday..?
i am fucked up with my identity. sometimes i am a hindu, sometimes a bengali, sometimes from north east, sometimes migrated from bangladesh, sometimes congress and sometimes i dont know what. in different curve of life i have experienced lots of identities. will someone please identity me as only a human being? give me a break, freak racists. in every god govt issues you have to attested your documents by a gazetted officer. why dont the government provide us an internet based number or something where all our documents would be placed. common folks, we are digitaly advanced.
i am fucked up with the education system we have. there was a subject called civics when i was in morning school. that subject includes facts about our constitution,law and orders and other similar things. i just dont have any idea why that subject got vanished afterwards in the followiong classes of my schooling days. after the morning school one can only have the subject in his graduation while attending a law college. who will fill up the blanks? leave the infrastructure topic of any govt school, coz i dont believe in all this. in shantiniketan students were taughted under a tree. real education doesn'y need comforts. real education needs basic knowledge. and todays education system is very much lack of wisdom. my father wanted me to be a doctor, my mother's choice diferrs time after time,i was passionate about writings,after my high schooling from science background,i ended up with an mba. now i am a businessman by coincidence,poet by passion and literally dead by choice. seriously we are far behind then any other civilised nation in the matter of education. we are following the english culture in every aspects of life, why cant we follow their education system? never ever in my life i became career centric, for that i have faced huge problems in my present life. but when i see an educated person is doing a job in a private firm for long shifts like a robot just for earning more and more money,it dont make sense to me. one can earn money without education also. is this for what we education and knowledge is ? crap man. i am disappointed.
i am fucked up with govt policies. though i didn't face any trouble with that,but i know i will find one day. india is an agricultural country. the main source of income of every indians was directly or indirectly the agriculture. after the independence i dont know in what aspects neheru jee design his 5 years planning. well he must have his intellectual planning committee for the development of the country. but i must include the fact that the highest investment or budget was in another filed not in agriculture, from its first five year plan to the eleventh plan which ends on this march i guess. pandit jee's dream was to bring industrialization. i dont neglect his dream,but i have question on basic dimensions. china was also a agriculture based country, so they shape their basic need first. they first worked on their root. and when they were strong enough in the regarding aspects, then they move on to the electronics or any modern age legacy. except the green revolution which was a great initiative by indira gandhi, no such strong attempts were taken for the growth of agriculture. government announced that poor students will get akash tab for a very less price, but my question is whats the use of it, when they dont have a regular meal. this is silly. government policies are like celebrating diwali in front of a blind man.
i am fucked up by the unsystematic and odd behaviour of the market. from vegetables,to the automative industry in any business deals i found very unstructurable condition. the price of poeple's basic requirement is increasing high day by day. whether its petrol,diesel or gas or any agricultural product.even fdi matter got passed, and in this way we are bounded by the terms and conditions of open money flow. buying a car is not a very big deal this days, coz people are trapped in attractive loan schemes. and when the interest of the loans became mountain by clotting up, they are bankrupt and practically finished. no one is really happy with his income, coz everyone spends more then they earn.
i am fucked up by the demographic and cultural changes in the society. the brahmmans who used to be the most respectable people in the society turned out to be a geek. the kshatriyas are vanished literally. the vaishas are the most powerful people now, as they are the richest so they became the mix up combination of brahmins and kshatriyas. and the shudras have the all qualities of the other three. i never support the caste and creed system of ancient india. coz i know in that system people remains the same whether they are capable of more power or anything. but i am not either happy with todays social structure. take the example of baba ramdev. he was kool with his yoga and all,he was a sadhu man. he end up acted like a politician. wrong people are assigned for wrong position. evil have the power. knowledge is calculated by degrees and certificates. we are only taking the salvaged parts of foreign culture. "pull the hask to draw the seed" is a mythical idioms i guess.
i am fucked up by the scary look of home lizards. i am fucked up by their long lasting silence. they always gave me the fear of existence. they always shows me the way of destruction. they always reminds me dinosaurs still exist in the form of their own little clan.
i am fucked up with having bunches of optimistic thoughts. i am fucked up wishing for a green good world. i am fucked up dreaming a simple life filled with knowledge and wisdom. i am fucked up with masks. thats why i am waiting for the judgement day to come. thats why i am reading silly stuffs like, jesus was crucified when he was 32 years old, and 2012 = 20 + 12 makes 32.
i know i am just the another fucked up boy criticising each and everything around him. many comes and goes with having trust in the good and god with a perfect aim on to do something for the society,for the country, for the world. they fall and got vanished like autumn leaves. may be one day i will also end up like this. but i will never regret. i do believe, a life of pain is worthy then a life of vain. the night is cold and darker just before the dawn. way to go. not yet, not yet..
i am fucked up by the poor and pathetic social dramas around me. friends came up with a betrayal and strangers behaves like the good samaritan. lovers do sex, more then love. kids dont want to go outside and play. they have a dream to be there on tv and keep on barking " i am a complan boy, i am a complan girl". teens r i p in facebook ( thnx to my late night realization, i am no more a maniac of this bullshit ). couples or married people are bored of having the same routine. and the rest old people ( whom i admire and care for the most among them ) are either mentally disturbed or in casual coma.
i am fucked up with my grammatical errors in english. its the main official language. someday it will be the national language i bet. now dont blame only the south indians, atleast they have good reason for hating hindi as the national language. do the preachers of english have any idea that in the whole europe except england, people dont give a shit about english. i still remember how we manage the ticket guy to make him understand that we want a both up and down ticket from brussels to amsterdam. when coca cola launched in china for the first time, the chinese government and the company goes up with an agreement that each and everything in the bottle would be written in chinese only. i am not hiding my grammatical ignorance by saying all this, i am just revising some facts which might hurt a lot of people who are anxious for the existence of their mother tongue or national language. i dont have any problem with english, i love english movies and songs more then my own language but what i am saying is, dont make it overrated. dont forget your own soil.
i am fucked up standing in lines. we belonged from a refugee camp or what? starting from the bus stoppage in banks,in restaurants,in govt office,in retail counters, in every god damn business you need to stand on the line. present population of my country is 1.22 billion. so i better zip up my mouth on this topic.
i am fucked up with the most common messenger of my country. one is newspaper and the other is news channels. they both became entertainment centric. i dont want to include specifically but from renowned newspapers from positively claimed news channels , they are just running behind the money, more then the news i guess. from last couple of years i have been noticing some best newspapers around the country is publishing advertisement in the whole front page in every day basis. just imagine,with a lousy eyes in the morning when you just got up from sleep and take the newspaper for some news, you see the whole front page is an advertisement only. this is real bullshit. and the feeling is piteous. i still remember in my younger days how we were fond of dordarshan news. that is not only because there were no other tv channels,bt because those news were really some information about my country or the world,not like todays miserable drama on silly topics.
i am fucked up with the taste and power of weed. they dont sell the real stuffs. but as thats very much unsocial , i am not going to describe my elements of lonely hallucination.
i am fucked up because of the woeful inventions of bolywood,tolywood, lolywood and so on. india is a country where people are driven by pure emotions. in past, movies were not only an element of enjoyment and pastime, but a message to the society, a full framed knowledge instrument, a clear glance on ideal life and off course filled with good moral. now a days,an item song is mandatory in every movie. sometimes i dont even understand why the hell directors use the most common subject of a joke of our generation again and again in films to create some nonsense funny scenes with a word called "gay". no one dare to make a movie on geeta,on the devine sayings of krishna about the whole circle of life. will anyone,someday..?
i am fucked up with my identity. sometimes i am a hindu, sometimes a bengali, sometimes from north east, sometimes migrated from bangladesh, sometimes congress and sometimes i dont know what. in different curve of life i have experienced lots of identities. will someone please identity me as only a human being? give me a break, freak racists. in every god govt issues you have to attested your documents by a gazetted officer. why dont the government provide us an internet based number or something where all our documents would be placed. common folks, we are digitaly advanced.
i am fucked up with the education system we have. there was a subject called civics when i was in morning school. that subject includes facts about our constitution,law and orders and other similar things. i just dont have any idea why that subject got vanished afterwards in the followiong classes of my schooling days. after the morning school one can only have the subject in his graduation while attending a law college. who will fill up the blanks? leave the infrastructure topic of any govt school, coz i dont believe in all this. in shantiniketan students were taughted under a tree. real education doesn'y need comforts. real education needs basic knowledge. and todays education system is very much lack of wisdom. my father wanted me to be a doctor, my mother's choice diferrs time after time,i was passionate about writings,after my high schooling from science background,i ended up with an mba. now i am a businessman by coincidence,poet by passion and literally dead by choice. seriously we are far behind then any other civilised nation in the matter of education. we are following the english culture in every aspects of life, why cant we follow their education system? never ever in my life i became career centric, for that i have faced huge problems in my present life. but when i see an educated person is doing a job in a private firm for long shifts like a robot just for earning more and more money,it dont make sense to me. one can earn money without education also. is this for what we education and knowledge is ? crap man. i am disappointed.
i am fucked up with govt policies. though i didn't face any trouble with that,but i know i will find one day. india is an agricultural country. the main source of income of every indians was directly or indirectly the agriculture. after the independence i dont know in what aspects neheru jee design his 5 years planning. well he must have his intellectual planning committee for the development of the country. but i must include the fact that the highest investment or budget was in another filed not in agriculture, from its first five year plan to the eleventh plan which ends on this march i guess. pandit jee's dream was to bring industrialization. i dont neglect his dream,but i have question on basic dimensions. china was also a agriculture based country, so they shape their basic need first. they first worked on their root. and when they were strong enough in the regarding aspects, then they move on to the electronics or any modern age legacy. except the green revolution which was a great initiative by indira gandhi, no such strong attempts were taken for the growth of agriculture. government announced that poor students will get akash tab for a very less price, but my question is whats the use of it, when they dont have a regular meal. this is silly. government policies are like celebrating diwali in front of a blind man.
i am fucked up by the unsystematic and odd behaviour of the market. from vegetables,to the automative industry in any business deals i found very unstructurable condition. the price of poeple's basic requirement is increasing high day by day. whether its petrol,diesel or gas or any agricultural product.even fdi matter got passed, and in this way we are bounded by the terms and conditions of open money flow. buying a car is not a very big deal this days, coz people are trapped in attractive loan schemes. and when the interest of the loans became mountain by clotting up, they are bankrupt and practically finished. no one is really happy with his income, coz everyone spends more then they earn.
i am fucked up by the demographic and cultural changes in the society. the brahmmans who used to be the most respectable people in the society turned out to be a geek. the kshatriyas are vanished literally. the vaishas are the most powerful people now, as they are the richest so they became the mix up combination of brahmins and kshatriyas. and the shudras have the all qualities of the other three. i never support the caste and creed system of ancient india. coz i know in that system people remains the same whether they are capable of more power or anything. but i am not either happy with todays social structure. take the example of baba ramdev. he was kool with his yoga and all,he was a sadhu man. he end up acted like a politician. wrong people are assigned for wrong position. evil have the power. knowledge is calculated by degrees and certificates. we are only taking the salvaged parts of foreign culture. "pull the hask to draw the seed" is a mythical idioms i guess.
i am fucked up by the scary look of home lizards. i am fucked up by their long lasting silence. they always gave me the fear of existence. they always shows me the way of destruction. they always reminds me dinosaurs still exist in the form of their own little clan.
i am fucked up with having bunches of optimistic thoughts. i am fucked up wishing for a green good world. i am fucked up dreaming a simple life filled with knowledge and wisdom. i am fucked up with masks. thats why i am waiting for the judgement day to come. thats why i am reading silly stuffs like, jesus was crucified when he was 32 years old, and 2012 = 20 + 12 makes 32.
i know i am just the another fucked up boy criticising each and everything around him. many comes and goes with having trust in the good and god with a perfect aim on to do something for the society,for the country, for the world. they fall and got vanished like autumn leaves. may be one day i will also end up like this. but i will never regret. i do believe, a life of pain is worthy then a life of vain. the night is cold and darker just before the dawn. way to go. not yet, not yet..